Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Me, myself and eye.

Well, the Washington Capitals went down the tubes after losing to the Montreal Canadiens in a 7th game showdown. I admit, pretty sad choke job but they did run into some spectacular goal-tending. Oh well, that's hockey for ya.....anything is possible!!!
Sucked to watch the Caps piss away a 3-1 series lead though.

I had last Friday off from work and thought it best to get cracking on the backyard. Namely, mowing the lawn for the 1st time this year and trimming the edges with a whacker afterwards. I also purchased a Steel Trellis Panel Gazebo that I really wanted to assemble so my wife, daughter and I could spent more time outside in the backyard and enjoy some shade in style.
That way we could eat more meals outside....courtesy of my BBQ!!

So, to begin I had to commence a poo-pick-up first because our dogs like to pinch daily loafs pretty much everywhere. It's insane!!
All I know is that going over a pooch-pile with the lawn mower is not always the smartest of idea's. I would go into to further detail, but identifying the subject matter and where I am "going to" in respect to a vivid recollection, I stop there as the blanks can be filled.

Anyways, I mowed the lawn and it was looking less like giant green patches of pubes and more like turf worthy of some football.
I forgot to put on my protective glasses for weed whacking and "something" came back and whacked me in my left eye at a very high speed. It stunned me but could have been worse. I shook it off and kept on going for another minute.

But wait, there's more.................

I then put together the Gazebo in the backyard and was installing the mosquito netting and the weirdest thing happened. I hung 40 plastic snap hooks to hold the netting up and when I was trying to snap this one hook together I noticed that the plastic molding in the "eye-hole" of the snap was a little extra and was preventing the hook from snapping properly. So, I just snapped it thru forcefully and since I was forcing it (facing me).....I shot that extra piece of molding directly into my eye.
Honestly, did I not see the eyepatch on my astrological symbol that day for my horoscope?

My wife (deservedly) gave me some heck the first time because I should been wearing protective glasses. The second event just left her shaking her head and thinking that I was a pure tard and that I should probably wear those
same glasses for making a sandwich, brushing my teeth,taking out the garbage...........I think you get the picture.

Also, while assembling the Gazebo, I drove my screwdriver into my left thumb for good measure. It's what we men do to christen projects of importance..then we savor the moment with blinding pain and F-bombs.
I don't know if my wife will endorse the name " OWFuckyousonofabitchOW!" for our new Sultan's tent...but hey, feels more personable with a name.

My point? Oh, that's right.
You know the phrase "all the blood, sweat and tears that went into this!".
Well, I gave that phrase a lasting endorsement with:
1.) The blood I left on the inside of the tarp cover (when the blood blister exploded on my thumb).
2.) The sunburn on the back of my neck and arms from the lawn maintenance and assembly of the Gazebo in the hot sun (without Sunblock & yes my wife was impressed about that too). Do I ever learn?
2.) My eye that continued to water soon after giving it a second beating because the first attempt at instant blindness (apparently) wasn't enough!

I am happy to report that I did manage to put together a 'big plastic play-station thing' (with a slide) for my daughter without sustaining any physical injuries.

There may still be hope for me yet!


  1. Great job, McTard! And remember, all accidents are preventable. I have a spare pair of eye-protecting sunglasses for you next time we meet. Keep those retinas attached!