Turkey carving

Going home to a nice Turkey dinner tonight.
Right on. Right on.
No special occasion, just had a nice size turkey "hanging out" in our freezer for a while and we thought "let's cook that sucker!"
It was cooked yesterday, but finished too late to eat.
I was basting the Turkey around 8 PM when my wife was talking to her Dad on the phone. There was a suggestion on the phone to cut into the inner leg to see if the turkey was done. Our family has no shortage of "jokes" and before I knew it, there was reference to 'me' as the turkey and the thought that it was cruel to suggest that I carve myself.
I just chuckled quietly to myself as I appreciate a good joke.

After carving a piece of the 'real' turkey, I soon realized as I dropped the knife
into my toe that the joke had taken self-fulfilling prophetic turn.
I didn't really react out-loud much and was just happy that the knife bounced away and didn't stake me to the floor.
My wife retrieved the knife from behind me and I was just standing there waiting for the red stuff to make an appearance.
Wait for it.....wait for it...yep...there was the little stain in the white sock I was waiting for.
It was kinda funny.
I had a nice drip of blood coming from the inner of my toe, but after washing it out it wasn't much at all had a good laugh with my father-in-law on the phone.

In that conversation, I was the turkey 'again' and he told me to stand up for myself and to avoid be carved by anybody!

Back 2tha Grind

The weekend came and went 'just like that' (insert finger snap here!).
Jeeezus......WTF......and is it Friday yet?
Familiar places and half asleep faces all the way into work where I now sit in the
very place I licked my lips in anticipation of the weekend last Friday.
Man, feels like I never left.
I have an extra short work schedule on tap for the week; so I'd be crazy to complain. Weekend was awesome. It was all about hanging with my wife

and absolutely cute daughter.
Did the 'Earth Day' thing (candles no electricity) for an hour and a half.
It was relaxing and I was able to incorporate a *beer into the mix.
I'm very good at that (*situational beverage management).

After 'Candle-time', watched Hockey Night in Canada (HNIC) on
Saturday and the Leafs beat the Rangers early in Overtime. It was a bit boring at times, but the ending was great.
Can you hear the April chants of "Golf Leafs Golf.......Golf Leafs Golf" yet? They are not far away. My own hockey team "The Boozehounds" have their 1st playoff game of the year this Thursday.
Third person reference warning: McNorn is pumped and ready to go after missing the last 3 regular season games due to various reasons.
I HATE missing games!!
I need a goal too like Kid Rock needs a shower.
McNorn is overdue I'm going to bulge the twine if it kills me!

Stuck here at work for another hours and then the rat race begins.
The countdown to the weekend is in FULL EFFECT!
Not saying that I'll push grandma outta my way as I hustle for the 4:48 Train, but
she better get that plastic hip to boogie to one side or the other if I'm looking
for "on time" pole position.
I ain't playin' on Fridays!
I can't wait to spend the morning with my daughter while my wife is out for
Yoga. This work thing really get's in the way of what I'd rather be
doing!!
Ever notice that everybody is having a pure love-fest on Fridays?
Oh sure. EVERYBODY is your best friend on the last day of the week and the
weather is "Amazing" outside and it's "any plans?" and "seeya later, have a great weekend!"
Then Monday rears it's ugly head and a good percentage of the peeps revert back to douche-mode.
The sobriety that Monday morning brings to is more powerful than the illusion of "freedom" on a late Friday afternoon.
We take what we can get.
I'll be sure to enjoy mine..with the one's I love.
(& a Leaf game on Saturday night).

Gas up that walker grandma.....

So the Leafs won last night.
Against Atlanta.
They (the Thrashers) 'might' squeak into the playoffs. They are still alive.
We (the Leafs) are guaranteed to miss the playoffs for the 5th straight season.
DOH!!

What's worse?

ATLANTA:
To get that close only to get a sniff and get a "seeya later fuckface" salute from the team above them in the standings who makes it to the postseason......
OR
TORONTO:
To guarantee (again) in mid-April the best tee-off time at the most preferable golf courses that Toronto and the GTA have to offer?

You decide.

Me? I want a Stanley Cup before I am wheelchair bound (in adult diapers) suffering from Alzheimer's and pissing myself every time I wheel past a microwave oven that is on.

Hi and welcome to the "House of McNorn".
No brainer alert: I AM McNORN.
So this is my first foray in the world of blogging.
I do so because I love to write and need some kind of an outlet to
express whatever seems to be filling this big fat head of mine lately.
Tried pen and a pad to jot down my thoughts, but one way or another it
became a grocery list. I'm sure the last scratch pad that lists my life's ambitions and failures followed by eggs, bagels, chips, chicken and beer is still riding shotgun in a Wallmart shopping cart.
I'm sure somebody has read it and has wondered if it was a suicide note followed by hostage demands.
Talk about fucked!
The keyboard is much more my style anyways and spellcheck can take the tard outta anybody's best effort.
Although I type chop-stick style (index fingers only) I can chop out thoughts pretty efficiently.
Got callus to prove it man.
I like to read and laugh outloud and if not for my own entertainment, I
hope you enjoy the ramblings of the warped.
It's funny to think that I have wrestled with the idea of doing this
for quite some time now.
Translation: I'm lazy.
Also, I've always thought that there are way too many people out there writing about nothing at all.
Don't even get me started about Twitter and "tweets"..........I'd like to
"tweet" them all to some cyanide pills.
Fact is, the day to day stuff in life is about everything AND nothing at all.
Substance doesn't have to be found dry humping the pant-leg of relevance
to be interesting or to be validated as a worthy read.
I say this after reading a few blogs just to see what was out there and what others
thought would be interesting to write about.
Yeah sure, some of what I read was so boring that I thought punching myself in the face
might be more exciting. Other stuff I read was interesting, funny and some even sad.
There is something out there for everybody.
That's the ticket.
That's why this forum works and as I read over a bit of my words I realize that I am enjoying
writing because of the release and satisfaction it brings.
Makes my chopsticks numb and my nipples hard.
Some quick facts:
I'm married to the most wonderful woman in the world and have
a daughter who is going to turn 10 months in mere days and I am crazy about her.
I love being a Dad.
I have a job that is "interesting" to say the least in respect to the observation of "human behaviour".
Might even slap in the world "abnormal" as it tastefully applies.
Got a story I'll tell later about a crack-head who hit the jack-pot in the disabled washroom
with a scratch card.
Trust me. Leaving work is like leaving MARS to return to earth until the next shuttle lift-off
at 0630 HRS. The space craft I speak off is aptly named W-O-R-K.
Where was I?
Oh yeah.
I'm turning 36 this year and I love hockey!
I mean...........I LOVE HOCKEY.
It is my passion and I fully admit to being a FANatic.
McNorn is actually my hockey nickname.
I play in a beer league with my buddies and have done so for many years.
The story behind the nickname was a misprint on the beer league website.
Put it this way, I have a last name that sounds like "MacLevin"
and somehow after printing my name down on the game sheet before we played
this one night.............the person looked at my scribble and came up with "McNorn" and
entered it on our team roster.
Um...yeah. I can see how that can happen. Kinda like reading Hilton and entering Hitler instead??
Good help is hard to find.
I thought it was funny, but would probably correct them on their little error.
A game later, I was on a two on one with my buddy Stu and I had the puck as
I could hear him bashing his stick away on the ice calling for the puck "McNorn........McNorn".
At first, it didn't quite register.
Then again, with more lungs than the last "McNooooorn.............McNooooooooorn!"
The look on his face was classic as was mine as I realized that he was yelling at me!
I was McNorn.
I started laughing and the play went sour.
I got back to the bench and we had a great laugh.
That was it.........
I Think everybody deep down inside wants a cool nickname.
Don't know if cool is the word, but since then........I've been McNorn and nothing else.
Does sound like a good hockey handle though.
I think that every time I sign that name on the game sheet!
Keeping with hockey.
To be honest; I'd sell my soul to the red bastard below to play in the NHL.
Sound extreme? I know that there are millions of hockey lovers out there that would agree
to the same sentiment (minus the prospect of having Lucifer's nutsack draped across their nose for eternity).
It's kinda what it's like to be a Toronto Maple Leaf fan though!
YES.......I AM ONE OF "THOSE".
All the Leaf nay-sayers state that "When HELL freezes over" is the date we (the blue and white lobotomy recipients ) sip from Lord Stanley's mug.
To say that a few "TML prayers" have gone unheard in the night would be an understatement!
Ozzy sang in a Black Sabbath tune "Satan laughing spreads his wings".
Well, maybe he amped it up and was a little more "creative" this
time around as he watches the Leaf faithful suffer.
Maybe "Satan laughing drapes his.........."